// SPINNING IN MIRACLES A THOUSAND TIMES OVER //

—after M

A lot of people think I’m crazy. Sometimes I feel crazy, with all the insane things that have happened to me. But then I ask myself—crazy to who? In comparison to what? A world of rules & repression & disconnection from Spirit? A world that calls difference a disorder when the order isn’t orderly at all? That pathologises people for their vulnerability when the status quo turns them away at the door? Call me crazy—I know who I am & I know what I have seen.

Miracles in the form of human beings. A boy with a saxophone looking like a pup pulled from the river hitting his inhaler before debuting compositions more spellbinding than Coltrane’s own—not a sentence I’d ever say lightly. Me with tears streaming laughing freely like my own ecstatic melody & bearing a smile so big it could reassemble a historically broken heart. Swept up in the Undercurrent witnessing the world change in its tiny infinite ways. Wishing the city would be big enough for all of its dreamers.

We don’t pick our magic, it just plays out in front of us. If we pay enough attention we might learn how to make it. This happened to me—there is a story. A story of everything that’s penned itself into my personal legend since Midsummer before last. Half tragedy, half gospel. How I found God on the shore of a tsunami. How it sometimes hurts to have faith. But if you follow boldly—if you are brave enough to lead the way—who knows what will be waiting for you to arrive.

For the longest time, I have lived the riddle of survival. I have weathered storms I cannot swallow. I have been shamed & subjected to a victimhood I never asked for, then shamed all the more for my responses to my own circumstance. But there was a day I decided to lose what I must if I must give something up for what I love. & I have given up so much—but the bigger the sacrifice the more you’ll be blessed & destiny held my hand that day & taught me how to trust the stars with my heavenly direction.

A kindred spirit said to me in the alchemy of that evening—they don’t get that you’re made of love....... pure, unadulterated love. My love is a light that interrupts shadow like the moon shaping its own illumination. It is an acutely feminine form of translation, housing celestial strength in a human body. But love knows no limits, no lines ruled by uninspired hands. Love will take you beyond where you ever imagined you would go.

& sometimes it’s a lonely road. Sometimes home seems synonymous with the breaking of everything you’re building & your family is far away & your dreams feel too big for your domain. But today is one day in a legacy you are already living & there will always be another on its way.

So let it come—because I am spinning in miracles a thousand times over & God knows it’ll be just fine.